I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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