His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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