He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
