I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
