don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
