KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
