dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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