when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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