In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
