Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
