Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
