Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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