dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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