you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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