i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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