I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
