Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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