If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
