You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
