If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
