your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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