Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Houston, we have a squirter
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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