I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
