she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
