WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
