I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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