the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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