I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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