Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
