So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
