What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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