Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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