Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
