Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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