What did we do last night that was yellow?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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