Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
