She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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