Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry jordanlicksdick hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(410): View more from Maryland

It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.

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(512): View more from Texas

stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.

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(301): View more from Maryland

people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?

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(240): View more from Maryland

I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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(519): View more from Ontario

i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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(419): View more from Ohio

I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

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(647): View more from Ontario

RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.

(647): View more from Ontario

lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.

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