Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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