fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
