But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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