i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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