i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
