not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
