I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
