No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
