It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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