who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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