We won't sleep together?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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