i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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