Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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