I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
