We're facebook friends in real life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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