There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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