you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
