how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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