Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
