I want to have your abortion
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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