You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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