i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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