I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
