Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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