It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
